Wrestling Wrap Up: The Wyatt Family Debuts!

RAW was live from Baltimore last night...

...now hold on Bunk. Everything was fine. Good crowd. And, more importantly, a much better show than last week.

Look McNulty, you just-rolled-out-of-bed-looking motherf***er. It was solid. Certainly more sturdy than the IKEA bed set you couldn't put together, you high-funtioning alcoholic!

Not only did RAW feature Daniel Bryan cleanly beating Sheamus and Punk cleanly beating Orton, but the Wyatt Family made their big debut. So it was a good show for the older crowd, one might say. Because even though they might have let the Wyatt Family videos run on for a bit too long (and it especially felt that way if you watch every TV show the WWE offers), I was still psyched as hell for their debut. Because all of the spinning around in the woods, upside-down dirt-cams, porcelain ballerinas and menacing loafing over the past month had built up to a fever pitch inside me.

And their debut was...good. Look, it was. I don't think anything could have possibly lived up to the promo videos really and I've come to terms with that disconnect over the years. Because at the end of the day, the guys in the really well-crafted cinematic videos will have to actually get in a ring and do somewhat standard wrestling moves. They lose their magic just a little bit. It's kind of the name of the game. So when Wyatt's two goondogs started stomping on Kane, it was just two big guys stompin'. Two guys pushin'. (That joke was solely for Eric Goldman)  And decisions had to be made about how to make this three-man team different from The Shield. Because they're going to attack people and they need to stand apart. And The Shield has already set an astronomical benchmark for success in this area. One that they shouldn't try to duplicate with the Wyatts.

Oh, and Baltimore crowd. I love you. It's, you know, all in the game yo. But those "Husky Harris" chants? F*** you!. Go to hell with that garbage. As Patton Oswalt once said to a heckler: "You are going to miss everything cool in life and die angry."

Signed, the Internet.

Anyhow, back to the segment. The ringstep smash move is okay. It's no spiked powerbomb, but I suppose the guys needed something devastating to do. I'm just not a fan of moves that require an instant camera switch so as to not give away the fact that no contact's being made. Also, from a "my eyes are fully functioning" standpoint, it doesn't make sense for anyone to use the part of the steps with the big indented "V" shape to hit someone. Also, yada yada, I want to know why they targeted Kane. I'd also like some sort of overall purpose and some clarification between the times Bray says "I don't have followers" and the times he says "People are sheep who need to be led." I don't need it, but I'm just trying to cover my bases. Because I know myself and I know that all of the circular double-speak will unnerve me eventually.

Their entrance though. I can't even. Really well done. Especially with that video of Bray blowing out the lantern and saying "We're here." Phenomenal.

Epic entrance is epic. So many creep-feels. Sort of unsettling and serene at the same time. Like that first part of the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disney when you're just floating past the Bayou shack. And you think to yourself "I could live there." Live a simpler, remote life in the swamp. Who needs society? Who needs human connections? Actually, I think I just described the internet and not the marshlands.

My guess here, and it's just a guess, is that the Wyatt's will be brainwashers. Like they'll gain new "brothers" and "sisters." Like RTC or the Flock. They already have three though so it'll be tricky to not let their numbers swell too much. I'll also admit to being worried about them maybe not actually showing up in person on RAW. I know we were told they would, but the videos leading up to the debut made it seem like we were just going to meet them via an intrepid WWE reporter/rape victim. Which made it seem even more like they'd somehow leapt out of the screen at the end. And into our hearts!

No time to explain. Get in!

But yeah, I'm not sure how I feel about a reporter who sees a sheep mask, a pick axe and a bonfire and doesn't immediately run for his life. It was probably the most "prepare your anus"-y moment the WWE has ever shown on TV. Even freakin' Jerry Lawler said "Nope" right afterward. Maybe that reporter got brainwashed* (*sodomized) and will now act as the Wyatt's own personal documentarian.

So the Wyatts are finally here. The smark-favorites won their matches. And Daniel Bryan got to stand tall at the end after he ran out and attacked Punk and Orton!

From an opposite momentum standpoint, it doesn't bode well for a MITB win, but I still think he's got a good chance. And it seemed like the WWE, with last night's show, re-started the push that they'd forgotten about last week. Which, first and foremost, meant moving him beyond his bickering with Kane. Also, from an OM-stance, it looks like Cena will win (der), Del Rio will win, AJ will win, and Axel will win. But how will Cena ever lift Mark Henry up in an AA? I mean, it's not like he's lifted up Mark Henry before, right? Or even Big Show and Edge at the same time? All I can hope for now is that someone cashes in on Cena after the match. Or how about this. Bryan wins, goes to cash in on Cena but actually loses and fails to cash in. Thus setting up their SummerSlam match. Yes, ideally Bryan would win and go into SummerSlam as champ, but I'm trying to be as realistic here as possible.

Are AJ and Dolph Ziggler breaking up? Head over to Page 2...

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